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The Self-Compassion Struggle

Self Compassion. Sounds easy right? 

Be compassionate with yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s okay, you don’t have to be perfect…

Are you rolling your eyes yet? 

I am. Even as I am writing this. Deep down my inner perfectionist is kicking me, scoffing at all of those ideas. The words “be better” keep coming to mind. 

My name is Kristin, and I am a hyper-critical, perfectionist, and I struggle with self compassion. There, I said it. 

I'm not going to pretend I’m super zen and I am at peace with everything in the world. The fact is, I am insanely critical and I am my own worst enemy. My natural instinct is the complete opposite of self compassion. I set unrealistic standards for myself and do everything in my power to achieve them. I have grown accustomed to pushing myself so hard that I feel like I am under achieving if I am not on the brink of breaking down. 

How well has that worked out for me, you might ask? Absolutely awful.

It always ends one way. Bursting into tears, laying on the floor (yes, the floor), wondering why I am so exhausted. It’s all very dramatic and unnecessary. I’m like the energizer bunny that keeps going and going but eventually runs smack dab into a wall and boom, breakdown! 

So, why do I keep doing it?

It’s simple. Some part of me still believes that anything but overachieving is failing and self compassion is weakness. As I write that down, I can hear how ludicrous that sounds. Obviously that is not true and a very black and white way of thinking. But I actively struggle to accept it. Mental health is messy, confusing, and the minute you think you've got the hang of one thing, something else pops up and throws you off. It's like a real life game of whack-a-mole. Just as I start to show myself compassion, Ms. Perfectionist comes waltzing in like she owns the place. 

Now you might go look at my Instagram and be floored by the amount of hypocrisy that fills it. Post after post filled with words of positivity and messages of self compassion. Preaching self-love and acceptance. How dare she?

While yes, I still struggle with fighting all the wild and self destructive beliefs I just mentioned, I also firmly believe in the power of the mind. There is power in positivity and power in your thoughts. Each time I write a message of positivity, I not only write it to encourage others, but I write it to help myself. The more you tell yourself something the more you believe it.

You don’t have to believe you are worthy, capable, smart, or lovable right now. But you are. So keep telling yourself that because one day it might just start to resonate. 

If you have self compassion tips or stories you want to share please feel free to comment below. I love hearing from you guys!

Until next time, try to show yourself some love. XO

Disclaimer: Please note, all information on The Cheeky Life is not intended as medical advice or as a substitute for professional care. The intention of this blog is to connect with the community and share my personal experiences with mental health, eating disorders, and life in general. All opinions are my own.

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